


Firsts and Lasts

by ConfessionsOfAGeekyFangirl



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Canon Era, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It starts out as fluff and then turns to angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 13:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5542388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfessionsOfAGeekyFangirl/pseuds/ConfessionsOfAGeekyFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Todd and Neil went through a lot together. And in the end, they never even got to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Firsts and Lasts

The first time they meet, Todd stutters and blushes and keeps his gaze trained on the ground, not even looking directly at him when they shake hands, when Neil can feel his fingers trembling. Neil just smiles and asks him about his old school and tries to keep the mood light, and when their eyes finally do meet, he can’t help but notice what a pretty shade of blue Todd’s are.

 

The first time they kiss, it’s scary and awkward and over much too fast, and neither boy has any idea of what to say when Neil draws back. Neil holds his breath as he searches Todd’s face with wide eyes, terrified that he just managed to go and fuck everything up. But then—but then Todd smiles at him, slowly, and Neil feels an overwhelming sense of relief wash over him like a tidal wave as he starts to breathe again. He smiles back. Todd takes a step closer and brings both hands up behind Neil’s neck before closing the gap between them. The second time is much, much better.

 

The first time they fight, there’s raised voices and fierce glares and harsh words that they spit at each other like venom. Honestly, Neil isn’t sure of what they’re even fighting _about_ anymore, but in this one, rage-fueled moment, I doesn’t seem to matter. Finally, a notebook goes flying, slamming into the wall just inches away from Neil’s head, and Todd is yelling, shouting at him to get out, louder and clearer and angrier than Neil has ever heard him, and he can only stand there for a moment, stunned, before he complies. He turns and storms out of the room without a second thought, slamming the door behind him loud enough that the sound echoes through the hallway.

 

The first time they make up, Neil rushes back to their room thirty minutes later to find Todd sitting on the floor by Neil’s bed, hugging his knees to his chest. His head snaps up at the sound of the door opening, and Neil has never, ever hated anyone else more than he hates himself when he catches sight of the tears streaking their way down Todd’s face. He’s on the floor in an instant, pulling Todd into his arms and rubbing the small of his back, murmuring repeated apologies into his hair. Todd clings to him and buries his face in the curve of his shoulder as he sobs with relief. They stay like that for the longest time, just holding on to each other, until Todd leans up and presses his lips to the side of Neil’s face and Neil plants a kiss of his own on Todd’s forehead, and just like that, everything is okay again.

 

The first time they say that they love each other, it comes when Neil is least expecting it. He’s sitting at his desk, working on his history essay, when he feels Todd’s eyes on him. He twists around in his chair, and sure enough, Todd is staring at him from his bed, the book he was reading now abandoned, and looking as if he’s seen a ghost. Neil’s brow furrows in concern and he asks what’s wrong. Todd doesn’t answer at first. Then, he suddenly blurts out, “I think I’m in love with you.” Oh. _Oh._ Neil can only sit there for a moment, frozen, as the words fully start to sink in— _He_ loves _me. Todd Anderson is_ in love with _me. Holy shit_ —and Todd turns bright red and leaps up, scrambling towards the door. But before he can make it there, Neil suddenly comes back to his senses and he follows, grabbing Todd’s elbow and stopping him in his tracks. “Me too,” he whispers.

 

The first time they have sex, it’s all awkward fumbling in the dark, with tangled limbs and sweaty palms cautiously sliding over bare skin, with kissing that’s eager and sloppy and full of clicking teeth, with fingers tugging at hair, with frantic, desperate, unsteady movements, with mingled breaths and sharp gasps and soft moans and whispered confessions, and Neil can’t imagine it ever, ever getting any better than this.


End file.
